their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
