I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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