I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
