After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
