there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
