I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
