dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
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yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
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Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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