spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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