I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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