Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
