he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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