One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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