he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
