I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
