I think my fart just growled at me.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
