your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
