My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
