I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
