Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
