why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize