went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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