My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
