Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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