the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i came on her dog
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
