Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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