Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
