Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
