Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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