please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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