JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
