If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
a search helicopter?!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
