Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
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Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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