I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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