genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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