Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
