Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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