so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
