I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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