last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
