Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize