i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
