So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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