Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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