I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
