My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Someone came in the potted fern
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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