Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We just shotgunned beers for America
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
