I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
