wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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