Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
