Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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