Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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