her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
