the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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