God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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