you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
