ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize