Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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