you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize