wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Randomize
