I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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