I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
