i jhust puked up my retainher.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
