I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
