Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
