After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
