Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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