it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
