True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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