Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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