HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
