He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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