Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
